It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

When I saw this frame I felt like I had to have it despite the feeling that buying it would somehow diminish my sliver of hope of finding Skylar.  Putting it together and looking at the finished product I began to cry for my dear sweet baby.  My little comforter, my new baby, Sebastian, came in close for a hug and licked my face.  


A close friend of mine reminded me that my life has had many changes here of late.  I'm in a new house and I have a new and wonderful man in my life.  I have a new hobby, running.  I have changed from the woman I was six years ago.  She thinks that Sebastian is somewhat an icon to represent the new me, the younger, although not in years, more vivacious, more LIVING me.  I suppose he represents the newness that life brings, and that new things can be scary and wonderful at the same time.  I still miss my Skylar.  He was my comfort for so long, he brought so much joy to me, and my hope is that he is doing that for someone else today.  He represents my foundations, solidarity, my beliefs and all that is good from my past; he is the memories I want to hold on to forever.  


Sebastian and I have started having some really good days.  He doesn't yank all of the toilet paper off of the roll anymore.  He lets me know when he needs to go outside, sometimes to potty and sometimes just to get a stick to chew on.  He sleeps through the night.  When I say "kennel time" with a treat in my hand, he heads towards the kennel compliantly.  Walks have begun to feel like a bonding time rather than a frustration.  He sits for his food and water to be placed before him, and he hasn't tried to eat my food or even beg.  Wow, great job little Sebastian!  I had to realize today that he is doing so many things well.  Of course, we still have a long way to go, and that is when puppy kindergarten will come in very handy starting in a few weeks.  


All this to say, I have had to rethink my relationship with Sebastian.  He has met some milestones that I can only be grateful for.  Like I said, the new in our lives can be exhilarating or frightening, or a combination of the two.  Do I want my Skylar back?  Of course, but I also know I can't wait on that to happen to start enjoying certain parts of my life again, you know, the part with a new puppy...


Skylar in my life was the best of times, and losing him was the worst.  Beginning again with a new puppy seemed like it would be the worst of times, alas, only at times, and yet I believe, that as Frank Sinatra sang in his last public performance, the best is yet to come.